Treasure Valley Roller Girls - Roller Derby

This is just for fun. It's not really news of any kind. And it has nothing to do with transgender issues. I just really enjoy doing it.
FYI.... I'm the referee in the pink helmet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUxMI4XDC8w

Transgender Day of Remembrance

Transgender Day of Remembrance
By Raven Usher

Writing about the November 20 Transgender Day of Remembrance has become an annual event for me. Usually, I spend a couple of months ahead of time researching the names and consequences of the year’s fallen. It is one of the reasons why I appear to become saddened as the holiday season approaches. This year I simply did not have the energy or fortitude to do that research.

A fairly large part of me feels like I have failed those victims of violence who had their lives taken from them this year. Although justice may not be forth coming for the crimes of their deaths, I always thought that by honoring their memories, as I have done, in some cosmic way it may have helped bring some peace to their souls. It is the same philosophy that keeps the flame burning at the tomb of the unknown soldier; gone but not forgotten. If the memory of their plight helps us stop similar cruelty in the future then maybe, just maybe, there can be some good and useful purpose to their tragic loss.

I know that sounds hopelessly optimistic, but hopeless optimism seems to be my greatest driving force these days. Besides, maybe a little hopeless optimism is exactly what we need right now. With a self-hating, denial ripe congressional closet queen who publicly goes back on his word every few days and a self-mutilating tranny convict bringing the worst stereotypes of the LGBT community into the national spotlight for Idaho, optimism could end up being a short supplied precious commodity.

As I have said, I did not go through my yearly “dark voyage” for 2007. Usually I trudge through the muck of national news wires, LGBT press lines and the news and message boards of dozens of LGBT organizations. I find names, dates and locations. Then I research the names and search local news from their location. You would be amazed at what can be found if you just spend a couple of days sifting through the electronic garbage. I have even found home addresses and phone numbers of the next of kin.

Of course with an average of 13 - 15 Transgendered people being the victims of violence every year that kind of research is time consuming and exhaustive work. Not to mention the mental and emotional tolls one has to pay to be neck deep in that kind of inhumanity for any length of time. The truth is I avoided that research simply because I do not want to spend another week or two in a psychiatric facility again. As much as I want to serve and honor those fallen dead the price was just too high this year. I pray that they and the gods will forgive my selfishness. But I cannot honor them in life if I join them in death.

I do have some names. But I have little else. I cannot call out the names of their murderers as I have done in the past. I cannot report on the circumstances of their loss. I do not have the details of their lives before tragedy struck. So I humbly offer what little I do have. Blessings and peace be upon their souls.

Nakia Ladelle Baker
Cause of Death: Blunt force trauma to the head.

Keittirat Longnawa
Cause of Death: Beaten by 9 Youths who then slit her throat.

Moira Donaire
Cause of Death: Stabbed 5 times by a street vendor.

Michelle Carrasco “Chela”
Cause of Death: She was found in a pit with her face completely disfigured.

Ruby Rodriguez
Cause of Death: She had been strangled and was found naked in the street.

Erica Keel
Cause of Death: A car repeatedly struck her.

Bret T. Turner
Cause of Death: Multiple stab wounds.

Unidentified Male Clad in Female Attire
Cause of Death: Gunshot wounds to the chest and lower back.

Victoria Arellano
Cause of Death: Denied necessary medications to treat HIV-related side effects.

Oscar Mosqueda
Cause of Death: Shot to death.

Blessed Be

To Be or Not To Be... The Answer is the Thing

To Be or Not To Be… The Answer is the Thing
By Raven Usher

To be or not to be? Shakespeare called it “the question”. As I am sure that most of the English speaking world is familiar with these words, I am equally sure that few have ever bothered to contemplate them. A series of six very simple words actually present a very complicated question. Should I be? Or should I not be?

Have you ever spent any time thinking about what it means to be? It means existing. It means living and doing all the things that allow you to continue to live. To exist. To be. On the other side of that coin is the more ominous option. To NOT be.

Have you ever thought about not being? It is a chilling thought, is it not? Most people do not even want to approach the subject. The truth is that it never occurs to most people to contemplate being until they have an unsettling surprise encounter with the possibility of not being. It could be a car accident. It could be a heart attack. It could be staring down the barrel of a gun (someone else’s or your own).

How many of you have already come to the conclusion that you are reading the nonsensical ravings of a crazy suicidal bitch? Well, I have been suicidal and I might just be crazy. But I assure this is not nonsense.

You do not just recover from depression. A penicillin shot from your local doc does not clear it up in a few days the way it cleared up the after math of that rendezvous in the dark corner of the park with a stranger. It takes time. That is, if full recovery ever happens at all.

To be. To enjoy those things that bring you pleasure. To indulge in the company of those who love you. To sample the delicate tastes and flavors the world has to offer. To stand and face adversity. To endure sorrow. To feel ALL the feelings the human heart is capable off letting out. To balance the joys against the sorrows… the pleasures against the pains. To feel the heat of the sun and the cold of the snow. To feel silk on your chest and gravel under your feet. To sleep. And to wake up.

There is so much to consider. It is not an easy accomplishment to think about all those things. The truth is that most of us take it all for granted. We are use to them being there whether we need them or not. So many people scurry through life blissfully unaware of how fragile the whole structure can become. When a person has to consciously take stock of the entire company of his or her life on a daily basis, the sheer act of being becomes a dauntless struggle.

Not to be. The great escape. The great surrender. Is it cowardice? NO. It is defeat. It is confusion. It is the end of all the unanswerable question, the unendurable feelings and the total exhaustion of not being able to be. It is the answer to being trapped. It is pure sorrow at it strongest incarnation. It is, in a word, helplessness.

Most of us do not know, and hopefully will never know, true helplessness. I think most people think of helplessness in the cute and cuddly context of caring for an infant. But infants are not truly helpless. When an infant is in distress it can communicate the fact to those around the infant with a series of screams and yells. When one reaches the stage of considering not being even that simple survival skill is lost.

Depression and suicide runs rampant through the LGBT community. As optimistic as the “fell-gooders” want us all to be, it is not something that one can save oneself from. Have you ever heard the helpless cries of someone near you? Do you even know what to listen for? The helpless can not ask for help. Can you offer it?

Blessed be

Trans in Prison

Trans in Prison
By Raven Usher

There is currently a person in the Idaho State correctional facility who claims to be male to female transsexual. About once a year, during the media sweeps, he makes the news because he does something dramatic to get attention. This year he resorted to self mutilation by allegedly cutting out his own testicles.

The person has sued the corrections dept. and the state of Idaho a number of times trying to get the taxpayers to pay for hormone therapy (HRT) as a step towards sexual reassignment surgery (SRS). Each time he has failed.

Now, as you read the rest of this article remember that I myself am a pre-operative male to female transsexual. I have undergone HRT and have transition to the point where I am living full time as a woman.

In order to start HRT (without self medicating with black market medications) one must undergo psychological testing to confirm the level of your gender identity disorder (GID). Only about 10% of transgendered people qualify for those services. And even if you do qualify psychologically, there are a number of other factors that can disqualify you from actually receiving HRT and SRS.

One of the biggest disqualifiers is having a history of violent tendencies. True transsexuals are the ultimate pacifists. We just do not get violent. It is not in our nature. We tend to be so passive that most of the time we do not even fight to defend ourselves. It is part of the transsexual psychological make up.

I do not know why this person who claims to be transsexual is in prison. But being the child and sibling of police officers, I do know that you do not go to a state correctional facility for over a decade for non-violent crimes. Hormone treatment can react havoc on a person’s emotions. Starting SRS begins a period of emotional unbalance that can take three to six months to work out. If a person already has tendencies towards violence hormones will only intensify it.

I also know that a transsexual in a prison environment is all kinds of bad news! Prison society is a microcosm with its own societal rules and norms. The introduction of a transsexual would be so disruptive that it would threaten the working order of the entire prison to its very core. To have a transsexual in prison is to risk a level of unrest that could potentially trigger a violent riot that would endanger ALL the prisoners and the guard staff.

Because of these reasons, it is my personal believe that this person is trying to use HRT and SRS to keep himself isolated from other prisoners. It is actually a pretty good scam. But it is the absolute worse example possible for the transgender community. Not just in Idaho but all across the nation.

This man, note I said MAN, is not an acceptable candidate for HRT.
1) He has a history of violence.
DISQUALIFIED!
Hormone treatment will make violent people more violent.
2) He is in prison.
DISQUALIFIED!
The introduction of a trans person into a prison environment will put him in immediate danger of becoming a victim of physical violence, rape and murder.
According to the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care:
3) He does not have the ability to achieve ”the real life experience”.
DISQUALIFIED!
4) He does not have an long lasting relationship with a gender therapist.
DISQUALIFIED!

The simple truth of the matter is that this man should not start HRT in his present circumstances being in prison. Maybe when he is released from prison and undergoes regular therapy he will be able to pursue it. But right now, at this time, he should not start taking hormones. And gender activist organizations and individuals need to stop over reacting and screaming “discrimination” without taking the time to look at the overall situation. No good can come from his starting HRT in prison. It will put him in danger. It will put the prison at unnecessary risk. The Idaho State penitentiary and the State is doing the exact right thing by denying hormone treatment to this person at this time.

"Red Team, You Have a Patient"

“Red Team, You Have a Patient”

By Raven Usher

This is not an apology. There is no reason for me to apologize. Yes, it is true that I worried the hell out of my wife and kids. And I made my father, the ex military MP, fight back tears when he looked at me. And I triggered my brother’s EMT/cop protective instincts. And I sent my closest friends into a tizzy of near panic. Still with all this, there is no need for apologies.

I have written about it. I have talked about it. I have even lectured about it. I have come to the rescue of others in crisis from it. I have counseled people who have faced it. I have helped others beat it. During the last week in June 2007, it brought me to my knees and I needed others to come to my rescue.

At approximately two in the afternoon I left my house on my motorcycle trying to run from something that was not tangible. By eight o’clock that night I had been admitted to the Saint Alphonsus psychiatric center under suicide watch.

In February of this year I wrote about the 50% rule. It states that 50% of transsexuals will end up dead by their early 30’s… most by committing suicide. The Harry Benjamin Standards of Care calls it being susceptible to “Emotional lability”. I am nearly forty now and although I have surpassed that focal age group I am still in danger. I have been since October 2006.

Dealing with suicidal thoughts and feelings is a possibility that every transgendered person should be knowledgeable about. It may never plague you. If not count yourself lucky. It can hit any of us at any time. Although my own fight against suicide is not directly linked to my being transsexual, my predisposition of susceptibility to depression from being transgendered made it all the easier for outside influences overwhelm me.

Of course, anyone can fall victim to suicidal thoughts and feelings. It is not a condition that is particular to transgendered people. But if you are transgendered, and especially if you are on or are considering hormone therapy, you need to be aware that you are at added risk. Despite my current condition, undergoing hormone therapy and pursuing transition was still the best decision of my life. It has been my saving grace.

Being a trans person has its risks. Most of those risks do not come from the outside world. We must be vigilant against the possibility hatred, intolerance and violence. But it is more important to be aware of the risks from inside ourselves. Our own physical health and our mental and emotional states can present even more danger than bigots and religious fanatics.

It is a scary thing when your brain tries to convince you to end your own life. It is even scarier when you start to listen and move to do what you are being told. The danger got so real for me that it triggered my flight instinct. I ran. Luckily my instincts led me to run to where I could find help. It certainly was not conscious thought that got me to Saint Alphonsus. I do not know how I got there. All I know for certain is that I had been riding aimlessly for over an hour before I managed to take that left turn into their parking lot.

The truth is I got very lucky. I avoided doing any physical damage to myself. Unfortunately, not everyone who finds themselves in that position gets lucky. I have every possible safety precaution in place. I have professional help. But still… At this moment I cannot be confident about how long my luck will hold out. Or if I even have any luck left.

How lucky are you? Can you rely on your luck to save you? Please do not leave it to luck. Know your level of risk. Talk to someone before it becomes an emergency. There is a way out.
Blessed Be

24 hour suicide hotline: 1-800-726-0003

Deadly Secrets

Deadly Secrets
By Raven Usher

A good friend of mine made a very big mistake a while ago. It was the kind of mistake that immediately made me ask her if she was OK.

She was diving home from a club late at night. On the way, she stopped and picked up a hitch hiker. As stupid as that was, it was not the mistake that made me fear for her safety.

Before she dropped him off she had sex with him. As stupid as unprotected sex with a stranger is, that was not what made me fear for her safety.

She is a pre-operative male to female transsexual. She had sex with this guy without telling him she has a penis. That is the mistake that made me fear for her very life.

The most common reason that transsexuals get hurt and/or killed is because they did not tell the person they were physically intimate with before hand and that person freaked out after discovering the truth. It is a fact of tranny life. Surprising a sexual partner is life threatening. It is the single most dangerous stupid mistake we can make.

It is not only dangerous for male to female transsexuals. Female to male trannies face the same danger. The violence that took Brandon Teena’s life was so horrifically tragic that it not only made national headlines but her story also became a successful motion picture.

Gwen Araujo was bludgeoned to death by a group of men who had not even gotten into her pants. They freaked out after only receiving oral sex from her. To top it off, the attack that took her life happened days after the sexual encounter when the men found out from a third party that Araujo was transgendered.

What really makes this kind of violence tragic is that it is 100% preventable. It does not have to happen. With the simple act of putting our personal safety ahead of our physical urges we can keep all that danger at bay. Just do not be stupid. Make sure the person (or people) that you plan to have sex with know about you before hand. Do not surprise them.

Have you ever gone to take a drink of what you thought was one thing and gotten something completely different? Maybe you are a coffee drinker and you accidentally got tea in your cup instead. Or maybe what you thought was apple juice turned out to be bourbon. Or maybe the milk was sour and you did not notice until it hit your tongue.

The point is that when you expect one thing and get something totally different it is an unpleasant shock. When a horny, excited straight male is expecting something soft and wet and he gets something hard and long… the potential for a violent reaction is practically guaranteed. If tasting tea instead of coffee is enough to make you spit liquid across the table what kind of reaction do you expect to get from a surprise tallywacker?!

I am ALWAYS appalled at violence targeted at transgendered people based on the sole reason that they are indeed transgendered. But as upset and heartbroken as I get when I read those news stories, part of me cannot help but be a little angry at the transgendered person who does something so appallingly moronic as surprising a sexual partner with the anatomy of a pre-operative transsexual body. I simply can not say it often enough or loud enough. It is stupid. It is stupid. IT IS STUPID!

It is not a political platform. It is not an issue of discrimination. It is simple and basic self preservation! A person who walks through an alligator infested swamp does not have the right to act surprised when a gator clamps down on her leg.

Violence is not acceptable. But neither is it acceptable to plunge yourself headlong into a situation that you know for certain will cause you deadly harm. It is OK to be blonde. Just do not be a dumb blonde!
Blessed Be

A Day of Counted Sorrows (past issue 10/19/03)

A Day of Counted Sorrows

Remembering Our Dead

10/19/2003

“Those who do not remember the past are doomed to repeat it.” --George Santayana

I have a question for you all. What do Ze Galhinha, Chandini (aka Nazir), Tamyra Michaels, Georgina Matehaere, Roberta Nizah Morris, Timothy “Cinnamon” Broadus, Nikki Nicholas, Danisha Victoria Principal Williams, Ronald Andrew Brown, Merlinka (Vjeran Miladinovic), Mimi Young, Jessica Mercado, Hendricks Thomas (aka Tanesha Starr), Shelby Tracy Tom, Michael Charles Hurd, Cinnamon (Kendrick) Perry, Nireah Johnson, Selena Alvarez, Bella Evangelista, Emonie Kiera Spaulding and Cassandra “Tula” Do all have in common?

Answer: They, along with one other unidentified person, are the twenty-two transgendered people that have been murdered from November 20, 2002 until now.

I know what you are wondering. What is the significance of November 20th? November 20th is the “Transgender Day of Remembrance” and 2003 will be its 5th annual observance. The “Remembering Our Dead” project that sponsors the Day of Remembrance tracks and documents the murder of transgendered people all over the world.The Transgender Day of Remembrance was set aside to memorialize those who were killed due to anti-transgender hatred or prejudice. The event is held in November to honor Rita Hester, whose murder on November 28th, 1998 kicked off the “Remembering Our Dead” web project and a San Francisco candlelight vigil in 1999.

Rita Hester’s murder, like most anti-transgender murder cases, has yet to be solved.Although not every person represented during the Day of Remembrance self-identified as transgendered, that is, as a transsexual, crossdresser, or otherwise gender-variant, each was a victim of violence based on bias against transgendered people. The Transgender Day of Remembrance serves several purposes. It raises public awareness of hate crimes against transgendered people, an action that current media does not perform.

Day of Remembrance publicly mourns and honors the lives of our brothers and sisters who might otherwise be forgotten. Through the vigil, we express love and respect for our people in the face of national indifference and hatred. Day of Remembrance reminds non-transgendered people that we are their sons, daughters, parents, friends and lovers. Day of Remembrance gives our allies a chance to step forward with us and stand in vigil, memorializing those of us who have died by anti-transgender violence.Remembering Our Dead and The Transgender Day of Remembrance are maintained mainly by Gwendolyn Ann Smith through the web site at www.gender.org/remember/day.

The site also contains a list of all the current year’s transgendered fallen and the circumstances surrounding their deaths. A complete list of all those that have been lost going back thirteen years can also be seen at the site.A total of 264 people (207 Domestic, 57 International) have been murdered as of 06/30/03 according to the Remembering Our Dead records. The average number of deaths has been maintaining itself at about 12 per year. That is one a month, folks.

The deadliest year for transgendered people was 2002 with 25 killings, doubling the average. 2003 has a firm hold of second place with a current body count of 22. The top five rounds out with: 2000 - 19, 2001 - 19, 1997 - 18.

You may ask yourself why the police do not pay more attention to these specific types of crimes when they occur in such overwhelming numbers. It is simple. Because the police contribute to the body count. It is widely observed that transgendered people fear the police as much as they fear any attacker. There are four deaths on the books that were perpetrated by police officers. This includes Logan Smith who died of septic shock due to a punctured bladder. Police officers kicked Logan in his abdomen and sprayed him with pepper gas after stopping him for “failure to signal a right turn and failure to display a license plate.” Smith had offered no physical resistance. He died later that evening.

Other emergency services do not have much better records when dealing with transgendered victims. Paramedics and emergency room workers also drop the ball. Jessica (Gerardo) Castillo suffered a blunt trauma to the head. She received inadequate care from D.C. general hospital, and from the medical team on scene of the accident. Georgina Matehaere managed to get herself to a hospital after being beaten with a baseball bat, but was promptly discharged. She was later returned to the same hospital via ambulance where she died of her injuries. Her last words before she lost consciousness were a plea for peace.

The federal institutions fall short in their responsibilities to protect people as well. Two civilians and one serviceman have been killed by military personnel; one by a military policeman. Pvt. Barry L. Winchell was beaten to death, allegedly by Pvt. Calvin N. Glover, because he was in a relationship with a transgendered woman. He was not transgendered himself.

With such atrocities happening at the hands of the very people we enlist to protect us, the first instinct is to look for refuge at home with our families. No such luck. Giuseppe Mandanici was killed by a hit man hired by his father for $700. Richard Goldman was shot and killed by his father, retired state judge Milton Goldman. Diane Delia was shot four times in the head by her husband. An unnamed infant with ambiguous genitalia was killed by a blunt force trauma to the head, as well as strangulation, allegedly by the child's mother, Aruna Kavili. Jamie (James) Jackson was beaten to death in her own doorway. Four of this year’s victims were killed in their own homes. So, no. Home is not any safer than the streets.

Some of these crimes are so unspeakably brutal that it boggles the mind that the people who commit them are rarely, if ever, caught. Sometimes they are never even looked for. Dianne Aubert was stabbed in the back 121 times. Tracy Thompson was stabbed 120 times. Raimundo Rocha Alves had 42 stab wounds to the head! Kevin Freeman’s skull was split nearly in half. One of the most horrific murders was Barretta Williams. She was shot 16 times, pistol whipped, tied up with speaker wire, and gagged with a sock taped into her mouth. She was then tortured for several hours, beaten to death, and beheaded by Kenneth Poole and Ralph David Frantzreb. Activist Kristi Independence Kelly died in a plane crash. Suspicion is that she had probably been assassinated by "Dannites" (the covert paramilitary wing of the Mormon Church).

A great majority of attacks on transgendered people are sexually motivated. Homophobia and sexual insecurity drives some assailants to extremes. Larry Venzant, William Battles, Jean (Woodrow) Powell and Randy Loomis were all sexually mutilated before their deaths. Randy was left to die on the street. He never received any medical attention. Barbara (William) Brodie, Steven Wilson and Michelle Lynne O'Hara were all raped and brutalized before they died. Michelle was so traumatized by the rape that she committed suicide shortly afterwards.

In the face of such violence, I have been asked many times why I have chosen to make my transition in Idaho, a state with a notorious past reputation of harboring groups that promote intolerance and providing a haven for agents of hate driven violence. I must admit, I do feel rather isolated and exposed at times. Having the little hairs stand up on the back of my neck because of some nameless fear is not unknown to me. Seriously, I do not carry a gun because I am perfectly at ease.

But all things told and considered, Idaho statistically qualifies as one of the safer places for people like me despite the lack of laws to protect us. Of the 207 people who were murdered in 89 cities through 33 states across the United States of America since 1990, not one death has happened in Idaho. There is some morbid comfort in that. Maybe that is because we number so few in Idaho that we are not perceived to be quite so threatening. Maybe we hold a niche of an oddity to be gawked at but not touched. Maybe no one believes we really exist here. Or maybe it is just that nobody has gotten around to doing an Idaho transgender in yet. Who knows?

What I do know is that these statistics are unacceptable. A transgendered person has been murdered every two weeks for the past two years. Far too few of the killers have been found and brought to justice. Only five of the last year’s twenty-two victims have had the killers identified. I want to live. That is the whole point to what I have done to my body. It is the reason I have risked my family’s unity. It is the underlying current to why I have caused so much disruption to all the lives that are connected to me.

I am suppose to have “the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” Will my killer continue to enjoy his life, liberty and happiness after I am dead? If my battered body turns up in a downtown alley, will my family have any hope at all to see justice done? The statistics say, “No.”

Blessed Be.

To Lipstick or Not to Lipsstick...

To Lipstick or Not to Lipstick…
by Raven Usher
I had a meeting with my oldest daughter’s principal not too long ago. It was one of those boring chores you are forced to do when you are a parent. I dread school functions. A chorus of third graders singing public domain songs while performing bad choreography on the bleachers is enough to make me want to stick my finger through my eye, back into my brain and swirl it around. I am just not a PTO kind of mom.
My fifteen year old is soon to depart to the Midwest to compete in a national high school championship. It ensured that I would have to go talk to school officials. Ick. I had about a fifteen minute discussion with the principal. As I stood to leave he stopped me and said, “I just have to ask. You and Michelle are both Mom?”
He was so visibly uncomfortable asking. It was so cute. At that moment the little scene made me giggle and took off the unpleasant edge off of being at the school. Later at home I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror as I scampered around the house doing me daily chores. No make-up. Hair a mess. Ratty old comfy t-shirt. It was the kind of look on a parent that makes the kids want to be dropped off three blocks from school so their friends do not see their mom.
Then I realized that this is how I presented myself to the principal. Completely uncamouflaged. I had adorned myself with none of the trappings of the gender of my heart. I had passed a very close face-to-face scrutiny without any artificial societal markers of gender. In my teenager’s language, that was way kewl!
Way back when it felt really great when I passed as a woman for the first time. I was all done up. Twice as much time had been spent preparing for the night out than on the night out itself. It was worth it though.
This was so different. It was still very exciting. I do not know why I was so surprised. I have told so many aspiring trannies that their most effective tool is patience. You have to give everything time to work. I have been taking hormones since May of 2000. So it seems my own patience is paying off.
As I looked into the mirror, I thought about other people I have talked to recently. Waiters. The car salesman. Other parents. The bank manager. The security guard at the Boise Burn games. All face-to-face contacts. Close scrutiny. And with less and less prep as time goes on.
I think I may be starting to do what I have accused so many genetic women of doing. I’m starting to take being female for granted. Bad Raven! Bad, bad Raven!
Oh well. If I have to take something for granted I am glad its actually able to be this.
Blessed Be

City of Boise Protects All
by Raven Usher

Managing Editor, Diversity Newsmagazine
Boise, ID - While Idaho citizens face a ballot on the Nov 2006 election that threatens to write prejudice and discrimination into the Idaho state constitution, civic leaders in Boise took a bold step towards human rights and equality.

On April 26 the Boise City Council, led by Council President MaryAnne Jordan and supported by Mayor Bieter, voted unanimously to add sexual orientation AND gender identity to the city's non-discrimination policy. The vote is the result of a six year campaign to combat discrimination an intolerance. The entire council has pledged their support not only to back this decision but also to stand together and face whatever comes next.

Idaho state Representative Nicole LeFavour and Boise human rights activist Nikki Leonard were instrumental in their work with Council President Jordan in bringing this brave and progressive step towards equal human rights by the City Council to fruition. Idaho LGBT press lines, which were informed of this major development almost immediately after the vote had taken place, showed appreciation and support to the Boise City Council by withholding press releases and news stories to give Council President Jordan the chance to make the first public announcement. This uncommon show of unity between a government body and news organizations is a testament to the dedication to human rights that is being fostered in Idaho's capitol city.

"This is a real cause for celebration," said Representative LeFavour. "It is one of those moments that I have held my breath for."

With a population under 300,000 Boise is a relatively small city. However, the City Council has shown that Boise can stand tall side by side with major metropolitan cities such as New York, Chicago, Miami and Los Angeles in the protection of its citizens.

There is no telling what effect news of the new non-discrimination policy will have on the Nov 2006 election issue that threatens to make same-sex marriage illegal in Idaho. However, such a major step towards equality does shed a ray of hope that the citizens of Idaho will continue the fight against hatred that drove white supremacists out of the state. That same spirit may yet defeat the push that threatens to have state-sponsored hatred to be written into the Idaho constitution.

The state-wide slogan "Idaho is too great for hate!" passed the test of its truth when neo-nazi groups were defeated in Idaho. It is now being put to the test over equal human rights for gay, lesbian and transgendered people. The Boise City Council has stood up to and passed that test. In Nov the nation will see if the rest of Idaho will pass that same test.

The 80% Rule

The 80% Rule
by Raven Usher

Going through a Transsexual transition is expensive! I am not speaking of just the cost of sexual reassignment surgery (SRS). [circa $15,000] The whole experience of shelling out money through the ongoing process is like a Master Card commercial gone insane!

Hormones: $100+ per month. Therapist appointments: $90 per visit. Laser hair removal: $50 per hour. Breast augmentation: $2,500. Facial feminization surgery: $5,000. Constantly updating your wardrobe to fit your changing body form: $1,000 - $1,200 per quarter. Completing transsexual transition (if you survive it): priceless.

To add to the stress and complications of paying for it all, there are two major slaps in the face that transsexuals get hit with. The first is that no medical insurance program anywhere in the United States will cover the cost of SRS. Even when a licensed psychiatrist diagnoses the medical condition of gender dysphoria and that the need for transition is medically necessary the insurance companies will not pay their share. Sometimes prescription coverage programs will cover the hormones. But you need to have a medical doctor write the prescription. And then you have to pay for those doctor visits too.

The biggest financial setback is a horrifying statistic. 80% of all transsexuals will lose their jobs when they transition. How is that for discrimination in the workplace?

Finding a new job is not an easy undertaking either. Most trannies are forced to live off savings or other pitiful sources of income until they become passable in their new gender expression. That process takes between one and two years. That is a lot of overhead to pay out when there is little to no cash coming in.

The entire country has anti-discrimination laws that prevent someone from being fired because they are a woman. There are only a handful of laws that protect someone from being fired because they want to become a woman. The city of Boise has added gender expression to its workplace protections for civil services employees. In other words, TG’s who work for a city agency have protection at their jobs. The rest of us are still victim to the oppression of “at will” employment.

It is this workplace discrimination that hinders most TG’s from coming out of the closet. Even more than facing the possible scorn of family and friends, the prospect of being cast out of a long standing and promising career is an intimidating obstacle. It is hard enough to do something that could possibly leave you alone in the world. To face it without a source of income is salt in the wounds.

So why do we do it? Why do we throw ourselves headlong into such a body and soul battering maelstrom? Because the Master Card commercials all end with the same promise… “Completing transsexual transition: priceless!”
Blessed Be

The 2% Rule

The 2% Rule
by Raven Usher

Only 2% of marriages that encounter a transsexual transition by one of the partners remains in tact.

OK, so it is more of a statistic than a rule. But that does not change the ominous meaning of it. 2%. That is even lower than the survival rate of straight Christian vanilla marriages.

On the surface the reason for that divorce rate seems kind of obvious. The husband wants to be the wife. (Or vice versa.) How could a marriage possibly survive with two wives? How could any relationship endure that kind of monumental change?

Much like the right-wing anti-gay-marriage movement, the people who ask those type of questions have obviously lost all sight of what marriage is truly suppose to be about. Almost all the marriage vows that you will hear have something along the lines of “for richer, for poorer, for better or for worse” in them. What does that mean?

It means unconditional love. The kind of love that expects the hard times and the poor times. It is the love that realizes that life is like riding the bus… it requires change.

Now granted that a wife being told that her husband wants to be a woman is way out of the realm of even the most liberal definition of “normal.” It still falls under the heading of those marriage vows. Once all the parties involved understand that, once all the difficult adjustments are made, overall life with the couple will get better. When one member of a couple is unhappy the couple is unhappy. To make the couple happy the individuals need to find their paths to happiness and the partners need to find a way to support that path. I am not trying to play down the huge impact that a transsexual transition has on a marriage and a family. The point is that a real marriage can survive anything.

Usually in order to survive a TS change it takes some self-realization on the part of the one not making the change. A wife has to come to know and believe that her husband wanting to become a woman IS NOT a failure in any way on her part. It is not because she was not enough of a woman or a lover. It is not because she is lacking any amount of femininity. It is not because she did not love or give enough.

It is quite the opposite. It is because the wife is such a strong and dependable image of womanhood, that her femininity is so well defined, because she loves and gives of herself so completely. That is why the husband is able to show her the overwhelming amount of trust it takes for him to open his heart and confess the desire that is eating him away from inside. It is why he is able to lay his entire life at her feet and ask her to make a sacrifice worthy of the most sacred martyr.

Only in the unconditional love of a true marriage can such a thing happen. And if only the partners who are asked to make that sacrifice could understand that it is their strength that makes it possible to even consider asking for such support, far more than 2% of those loving and well rooted marriages would survive.

It is not insurmountable. The partnership, the family and the marriage can endure. All you have to do is hold tight to the unconditional love that made it possible for you, as a couple, to reach a place where you can face obstacles together and, in union, overcome that which neither one could conquer alone.

Blessed Be

The 50% Rule

The 50% Rule
by Raven Usher

50% Rule: Statistic that states “50% of all transsexuals will die by their early 30’s. A small number die from violence, disease or other common causes. Most commit suicide.” - The North American Lexicon of Transgender Terms.

(available at www.glbpubs.com/lex.html)

It’s a scary statistic, isn’t it? Half. That is a lot. Look around you some time and take notice of all the people around you. Now imagine that half of them are gone. Just gone.

It can be a difficult thing being part of that group. You never really know to which half you belong. Are you safe? Are you at risk? How can you tell in either case?

The reason the so many transsexuals commit suicide is that they fall victim to intense bouts of depression. Just about any tranny can tell you about feeling trapped or oppressed. Even those who survive the 50% rule are still likely to experience depression at some point.

To contemplate your own demise can be nerve racking under any circumstance. To consider yourself being the cause of it is beyond description. Even when one listens to someone talk about it is close to impossible for the average person to get the full scope of its impact.
People do not just wake up one morning and say to themselves, “I want to die today.”

It is a long brutal progression of sorrow and pain. The thoughts creep into the back of the mind like a slow growing weed. Its seeds spreading on a barely audible breeze that whispers the unthinkable in someone’s ear. It keeps growing until the weeds are tangled so tightly around one’s feet that movement is impossible and the whisper becomes a bellowing roar that pounds like war drums in the ear. Step by step it wears away stamina and resistance until finally the last tug of a weed and the last gust of wind brings the whole structure tumbling into oblivion.
That moment is when the pills get swallowed, the knife makes its cut, the rope tightens and the gun fires. It is the point of surrender. It is the ultimate expression of sorrow.

The truly sad part of the 50% rule is that it does not have to be a rule at all. It can be stopped. The depression can be overcome. The bad thoughts can be stopped.

The problem is that by the time someone realizes they need help, they may not be able to seek it out. One of the first casualties of depression is a person’s motivation to do anything. They do not have the willpower left to take part in the things that once brought them happiness much less seek out something new.

If you are having persisting feelings of sadness and depression. Please seek help. Talk to someone. Anyone. Stop a random cop on the street and tell him you need help. Call 911. Walk into an ER. There are many people who can and will help you if they only know you need help.
If you have someone in your life who is acting strange or out of sorts, transgendered or not, take the time to ask how they are feeling. Find help for them. Do not just let them wallow in their pain. Loved ones not noticing the trouble is one of the gates to suicide.
Blessed Be.

Liberatis Tutui

Liberatis Tutui
by Raven Usher
It is amazing what the mind chooses to remember and what it forgets. There are points in our lives when we say to ourselves, “This moment will be burned into my mind forever. Surely, I will never forget this day.”
Then we get washed away in the wake of time speeding by us. Things we thought would be with us through the ages fade by the wayside while bits and pieces of trivia set up permanent residence in or minds.
Then there are the things we would like to forget but can not. Things that haunt us. Things that keep bringing the past out of storage and dropping it back in our laps. We all have the things we would like to escape. But we can not escape ourselves.
For transsexuals, the one this we want to escape the most is the gender of our births. We want to erase all traces of it. Not only from our bodies, but from our minds as well. It is one of the hardest mental challenges that face transsexuals.
Too many transsexuals develop a hatred for the person they use to be. Being raised as the wrong gender, they feel, was the source of their current sufferings. In their minds they put out a contract on that person from the past. They try to kill him. They try to wipe his very existence from the face of the earth. They think the “payoff” for the hit is the true gender of their soul. But they are wrong. Dead wrong.
The person of the past is the same person of the present. Just as the baby once carried home from the hospital is the same person as the rebellious teenager of high school. One bares little to no resemblance to the other. They think different. They act different. They look different. But still they are one person. To erase one is to erase both.
It is not an easy thing to do, to come to grips with the person you once were. It takes the healing power of time. It takes the patience to all change to happen. And most importantly, it takes the power of forgiveness.
We have to forgive the genetics of our births. We have to forgive fate and random chance for the cards we were dealt. We have to forgive those who raised us as the gender that presented itself when they changed our diapers. We have to forgive medical institutions that make it so hard to become what we should be. We have to forgive the strangers whose lack of understanding cause them to hate us without reason.
First and foremost, we need to forgive ourselves. Forgive ourselves for the accident of our births, for the fear that condemns us to inaction, for the turmoil we cause in the lives of those around us. We must forgive ourselves for being us.
That may sound harsh. But if we cannot forgive ourselves our pasts we surely will never reconcile our presents mush less build a decent future. Worse yet, if we cannot manage to forgive ourselves for those things we believe to have wronged ourselves with we will end up destroying ourselves in the attempt to destroy the dreaded past.
Don’t let you memories kill you. Liberatis tutui. (Save yourself.)
Blessed be.

TDR - Nov 20

TDR - Nov 20
by Raven Usher
November 20. Transgender Day of Remembrance.
Violence against transgendered people crosses every line of division you can imagine. For both assailants and victims, trans-violence comes in every race, class and age. It crosses ethnic barriers. It ignores age divisions. It overcomes economic lines. It defies social strata limits.
Victims range in age form infancy to retirement. This year three-year-old Mikey Vallejo-Seiber was murdered by his mother’s boyfriend when the boyfriend tried to toughen the boy up. He wanted the child to be a soldier and not a sissy. Assailants start in the early teens of the junior high school years and continue as long as they can muster the strength to raise a fist.
There are plenty of places to place blame; basic prejudice, inadequate education, fear and panic, insecurity needing a scapegoat, religious condemnation, apathy and inaction form law enforcement, failing to use safe practices and even plain social morays.
Those reasons are all just empty excuses. The things on that list are NOT reasons why trans-violence happens. Those are the reasons why people get away with it. The truth is, transfolk are easy targets for violent people. A violent person are going to find a victim. And the victim is going to be someone who makes the assailant feel good about himself when he does his violence.
How does a heterosexual man prove his manhood? He gets as many women as he can. If he is unsuccessful and gets shot down too often his manhood suffers. This is specially true if the failures are witnessed by his peers. But not getting a date is nothing compared to getting the wrong date.
Getting shot down can be remedied by getting the next girl. But getting a girl who is not really a girl requires more drastic action in the heterosexual male mind. There are four basic ways a straight man can defend his manhood when he thinks he’s been attracted to another guy.
If he is very secure with himself he can laugh at it. Shrug it off and say, “She was still hot.” He will even be able to endure the jokes and taunts of his buddies.
Or he can bury the secret and never let anyone know it happened. Eventually he will even be able to deny it ever happened even to himself. Of course, this only works if nobody else catches on at the time of the encounter.
Sometimes even if no one else notices, the event weighs so heavily on his mind that it creates guilt. Then he needs take more direct action to prove himself a straight man. To do that he goes out and has sex with as many women as he can as fast as he can. He may even resort to raping someone.
When the encounter creates anger instead of guilt, it can only be reconciled by purging the feelings through physical action. In layman’s terms... he has to destroy what “tainted” him. He has to go beat up and/or kill the other person.
It is textbook psychology. Each one of these options indicates a specific level of self security. The less secure he is with himself and his own manhood the more drastic his reaction will have to be in order to counter hurt.
That is the one and only true reason why violence against transgendered people happens. Because heterosexual men are insecure with their own manhood.
So, on November 20, please join me and others across this great nation in paying homage to the transgendered victims of pointless violence. Light a candle. Say a prayer. Let a trans person know you support their right to live.
Blessed Be

Exploiting the Stereotypes

Exploiting the Stereotypes
by Raven Usher
Everyone has something that is expected of them. When those expectations are generalized and imposed upon a group of similar people they become one of two things; either a societal norm or a stereotype. It is in the gray area where stereotype and societal norm overlap that transsexuals achieve the magic of a passing transition.
For the transsexual, the first part of transitioning is identifying the stereotypes and norms or the gender they aim to achieve. These include: current fashion, hair styles, mannerisms, speech patterns, behavioral dictates and popular body image. Some of these are norms that are flexible and will change time and time again through out the course of our lives. Others are stereotypes that persist regardless of how fervently some people tilt against them.
It is these unwavering stereotypical images that transsexuals exploit to achieve a successful transition. But why? Why strive to achieve stereotyped imagery in a world where so many fight to break down those very barriers?
Because they are unconscious markers of recognition.
The sight of large breasts and round hips triggers an unconscious judgment that the person sporting them is female. The sight of facial hair and broad shoulders are markers of a male. Smooth shaven legs - female. Hairy legs - male. There is a host of these unconscious markers that we, as human beings, key on every day. They influence our impression of other people as well as the way we react to them and act towards them.
Some of these markers are biological. They concern body shape. The soft curves of a woman opposed to the hard lines of a man. To achieve these markers transsexuals subject themselves to years of medications and numerous medical procedures. This is the level that surgical alteration of genitalia comes into play.
Some of these markers are of physical appearance. They concern body image. Long hair, make-up and long painted nails for women opposed to shorter hair, short cropped nails and a face free of colorization for men. To achieve these markers transsexuals need only the patience and will power to allow hair and finger nails to grow and the knowledge of how to make them stylish.
Some of these makers are societal. They concern fashion sense. High heels, skirts and plunging necklines for women opposed to three piece suits and neck ties for men. To achieve these transsexuals only have to keep up with current fashion and have money to go on a few shopping trips.
Some of these markers are behavioral. They concern how a person conducts themselves both in personal presentation and in mannerism. These are the most difficult markers to achieve. Indeed they are the markers that are most often responsible for a transsexual being read. For the average person these markers are unconscious. They are things so subtle that they include the gait at which a person walks.
Go to a public place and watch people’s feet. Men’s feet follow a bi-linear path where women’s feet follow a mono-linear path. This is connected to body shape. The different gaits develop naturally as we learn to walk and our bodies develop. Most people do not even think about it. They just walk.
That is the big trick of a transsexual transition. Thinking about what nobody thinks about. Consciously controlling the little details that everyone else does unconsciously. It is willfully taking on the stereotypes that are imposed upon others and then outwardly presenting reactions to those same stereotypes that mimic the reactions of the people who have the stereotypes imposed upon them.
It is a neat trick. And the way you know it has been pulled off correctly is that no one knows they are seeing it.
Blessed Be

Why Me? The Etiology of Transsexualism

Why me? The Etiology of Transsexualism
by Raven Usher
Etiology: The science of assigning causes.
I can not count how many times I have heard a distraught transgender person utter the words, “Why me?” Sometimes they say it through a haze of confusion. Sometimes it spills out with a river of tears. Sometimes it is spit at the heavens in anger. It is always a sign of confusion.
So let us attempt to dispel some of the confusion. Why you? Because you were born this way. Do you feel like an X-man yet?
Let us talk about scientificly proven fact first. Every human embryo begins gestation as female. In half of pregnancies, a hormone is introduced during gestation. That hormone causes the embryo to mutate and become male. The body of a fetus develops separately from the nervous system. So this hormone introduction happens twice.
It happens the first time at approximately six weeks of gestation and effects the body. The vaginal opening closes and the clitoris elongates and becomes the penis. (If you look at a man’s scrotal sack you will see a line down the center. That is where the vagina sealed itself shut.) It also effects skeletal structure and body mass placement.
Five or six weeks after that change has been initiated another hormone introduction takes place. This one effects the developing central nervous system. The delay is to accommodate the nervous system’s delay in the beginning of its development. It is like building a house. You can not put up walls until the foundation is solid. The nervous system needs the solid foundation of a physical body before it can begin its own development.
For transgendered people one of those hormonal additions is weak or incomplete. In the case of transsexuals, one of the two do not happen at all. For male to female transsexuals the body gets the signal to change but the nervous system does not. So the body becomes male but the brain remains female. For female to male transsexuals it is just the opposite. The body remains female while the brain changes over.
Those are the scientifically provable facts. What is still unknown is why this happens. There is no evidence that supports any causation for the inconsistency of the mother’s body introducing or not introducing the hormones at the right time. There is plenty of supposition. And some possible causes have been ruled out.
Smoking, drinking alcohol and taking drugs during pregnancy have all been discounted. While these things do cause other birth defects later in gestation, they do not effect the introduction of hormones at such an early stage of fetal development.
The most likely causes, although they have not been proven yet, are conditions that effect the mother and her own hormone levels. These are things like depression, anxiety and high levels of stress. All of these conditions are proven to wreak havoc on a person’s body as well as their mental and emotional states. It is highly likely that if a woman has one of these conditions during the earliest stages of pregnancy, the introduction of developmental hormones could be altered or stopped all together.
The problems with proving any of these theories is the early stage of gestation when the hormone introduction happens and the low prevalence of transsexualism. It would next to impossible to be observing 30,000 developing embryos at six weeks of gestation and again at twelve weeks in the hopes of catching the one occurrence of those hormonal introductions not matching. Most women do not even realize they are pregnant until they are eight to twelve weeks along. By that time, the future has already take root in the present.
So why you? Best guess... Mom was freaking out about something when she got knocked up.
Blessed Be

Courage Under Fire

Courage Under Fire
by Raven Usher
It never fails. They say it. They mean it as a compliment. But I still get irritated by the misconception.
In truth, I usually do not dispute the misconception. I simply smile and thank the person for the compliment and console my desire to correct them by reminding myself of their wonderful display of admiration. That is the important part of it, after all. That they are showing acceptance and support for a transgendered person.
As much as I like to see an average person, gay or straight, expressing acceptance for a transgendered person, I am still bothered by the misunderstanding of the driving force behind transition. I like getting compliments. I like the fact that others are inspired to offer compliments. But the truth seeker in me pains at the compliment coming from source that is not entirely accurate.
Sooner or later the people who get to know me will invariably say something along the lines of, “I really admire your courage.”
They are referring to my transition. This comment comes at a time when they have grown comfortable enough to ask me specific questions about what transition entails. They learn about the hardships, the prejudices, and the personal and financial costs of it all. For some reason people think that going through it in Idaho makes it even harder. I have not figured that logic out yet, but I am working on it. They calculate it all in their heads and imagine having to face the same or similar obstacles in their own lives. The prospect seems overwhelming to them and they make the assumption that I possess an excessive level of bravery.
It is a phenomenon that is not unique to just me. Other trannies get it as well. I have traded stories with many of my t-gurl friends and they are all very similar. In all fairness, I have to say that I do understand that point of view. And I find people’s ability to admire a transgendered person for any reason to be a sign of better times to come. It is a signal of hope. It is a promise of a future.
Still though, it is a misconception. My transition has absolutely nothing to do with courage. I did not shine up my armor, ready my sword and shield and head out to slay the dragon of intolerance. Quite the contrary. I slinked and crawled through shadows, avoiding as much as I could for as long as I could.
It was not my bravery that started me on the path of transition. It was my fear. My fear of living a lie. My fear of never being whole. My fear of dieing by my own hand.
I did not bravely face a year of androgyny. I did my best to camouflage it and keep it hidden. I did not bravely declare my transsexuality to the world. I put off those conversations until the people who love me cornered me and forced me to talk. I did not bravely go forth and fight to become a woman. I did it because my only other choice was death. And no, I was not fighting death. I was running from it.
I have gotten over most of those fears. I have learned enough and accomplished enough that I can stand tall and face the intolerance, the hatred and the discrimination. I have grown strong enough to fight back. I have built up the courage to meet the onslaught head-on. In short, I have become the person that so many others have mistaken me for when all this craziness started.
Or...
I could be completely wrong about the whole situation. Maybe they are all right and I did show courage. Maybe my point of view keeps me from seeing it that way. Maybe courage can only be seen by those who witness it and not by those who perpetrate it.
When I was a Marine a Drill Instructor once told me, “Heroes do not set out to become heroes. They are made heroes by acting when all others lay down.”
I was afraid. I hid in shadows. I even ran away. But I never laid down. So maybe they are right and I was brave. Still though, I never felt brave about it. Not then. Not now. And I still have trouble accepting that compliment.
Blessed Be.

Communities in the Cross Hairs

Communities in the Cross Hairs
by Raven Usher
I have a neighbor who is a Navy wife. Her husband is out on ship and she is at home with her young son. I have another neighbor who is a stay-at-home mom with two young kids. Another is a Grandfather who has taken in his divorced daughter and grand children. Then there is a pair of dincs (double income no children). A family of Bosnian immigrants are living the American dream on the corner. There is a retired couple across the street. Three doors over is the mother and stepfather of the teenager my daughter calls her best friend. And there is a mixed race couple who’s daughter I make sure gets home every day after school.
It is truly a neighborhood of diversity. All the kids play together. They make the neighborhood rounds. One day they are at my place climbing the huge poplar tree or playing on the swing set out back. Then they are at Sam’s place on the trampoline. Or at Luke’s house watching DVD’s. They ride their bikes together. They play at the neighborhood park together. They go to school together.
The adults watch all the kids. We hand out drinks and snacks when the stampede ends up at our corner of Sesame Street. Even the dincs hand out juice boxes. We are friendly and amicable with each other. We even trade plates full of home made cookies from time to time.
As editor, I am constantly bombarded with the worst news of the LGBT community. I am the first see or hear the stories of injustice against gays and lesbians. I shuffle through them deciding which ones to pass on to the readers and which ones to let go. It can be a lot to deal with. There are times when the burden of so much knowledge of hardship becomes overwhelming. My stress soars. My spirits fall. My outlook of the world threatens to become jaded and I my urge to strike out at faceless shadows of oppression boils. Sometimes I get angry. Sometimes I get depressed. Sometimes I want to quit.
Politicians rant daily about how gays and lesbians destroy American family values while they get arrested for misusing government resources and driving drunk. They pontificate about defending hypothetical institutions like marriage while they strip money away from real life institutions like schools. They totally ignore the moral codes of the religious doctrines they use to justify their hate-lined prejudice. They sacrifice the true goal of their jobs, securing equal human rights for everyone, so they can turn a government temp job into long lasting political career. Even when we vote for things like term limits, they ignore our collective voices and stick to their self-serving rhetoric.
When the fiction of real life politics gets to me I have an escape. I go out front, sit on the veranda with a cold glass of iced tea and look out on my little neighborhood. I wave to neighbors. I smile at playing children. I might even tease the neighborhood men by putting on a bikini top & washing my car. (I am not completely sure, but I think that may be teasing the Navy wife too.) It is my proof that the hate-mongers are wrong. It is the evidence that shows that they need to demonize a scapegoat and LGBT people are the easiest target at the moment.
The family values of my American neighborhood are in tact and as strong as ever. The average middle classers in this suburban community are friendly and accepting of a multitude of diverse people. The immigrants, the military family, the people of color, the retired seniors, the Goth teenagers, the career chasers, the home makers and the children of all ages live in peace and harmony together. Even the house with the two moms is accepted as one of the whole.
This is the true cross section of America. It is what we should be trying to achieve. One nation standing together united. Not chasing division and forcing barriers against people who have a degree of difference. It is what the politicians have lost sight of. It is what they ignore so they can earn the votes of hatred to stay in office. It is the truth that stands against the lie that they build their counterfeit careers upon.
We vote soon. It is time to take the bad people out of office. The new century deserves new attitudes and new leaders.
Blessed Be

Man I Feel Like a Woman

Man I Feel Like a Woman
by: Raven Usher
Being female (biologically or engineered) and being feminine do not always go hand in hand. The gap between the Timberline boots and the stiletto heels can be a gapping chasm or a subtle bump in the road. Feeling female inside does not guarantee an outward presentation of femininity. Looking like a Angelina Jolie may not stop you from feeling like Joe Pesci or vice versa.
One of the reasons for the gap between “female” and “feminine” is that there are no hard and fast rules to being either one. You do not even have to be both. You can pick just one and run with it or you can try to balance the two. The internal self perception of them does not even have to match outward presentation. It can be quite the circus act.
Some women have a natural balance. They do not encounter anything that makes them question their femininity or the physical condition of being female. They are comfortable in their bodies and at peace with their own self image.
Some women, while thoroughly enjoying being female, have issues with the presentation of femininity that is expected of them. Some say the societal norms that demand women wear skirts, heels and make-up to “fit in” is unjust. They rail against these age-old stereotypes both in their manner of dress and in their refusal to conform to traditional personal and business roles that women were once pigeon-holed into.
On the other side of that coin are the women who want to become the Hollywood ideal of feminine expression. They subscribe to the more classical images of beauty and strive to achieve those benchmarks. They enjoy the pretty clothes, the variety of shoe styles and the artistry that can go into applying make-up.
The common denominator of these very contrasting women is idea that regardless of how they present the image of femininity, being female is the bomb. Should anyone be so unenlightened or ill-fated as to try using their femininity as an excuse to block them from their personal goals, he will not just have that one woman on his neck. He will be the target of a maelstrom of women that would make a swarm of bees seem warm and inviting.
Then there are those whose conflict is not with the presentation of femininity but with the physical being of the female form. Some view being female as a privilege they are denied. Others see it as a curse they cannot escape. These are the people who are on the front lines of the war of womanhood.
They have not achieved the right to equal pay in the workplace because they have not achieved the right to be themselves. They have not reached the hallmarks of admiration of their beauty because of the prejudices that call their very existence ugly. They do not have the right to marry because in some areas they do not even have the right to breath.
As long as I can remember I have felt feminine. As a child I was often accused by other kids of displaying a misplaced girlish appearance or mannerism. Even during the height of my presentation of masculinity as a U.S. Marine my internal pull to all things feminine retained a strong grip on my psyche.
My endeavor to acquire the “female” that matches and balances my “feminine” has been the saving grace of my life. It is a journey I still endure. I know that even when I reach my ultimate goal of having the physical female form I covet, it will be a mere shadow of the femininity that prevails in my heart. When my citizenship to the female world is finally granted, I will still be but an immigrant to the land of which I have always dreamed. There will always be a part of me that is a stranger. There will always be the ties to my origin.
I will revel in it all! No regrets. No sorrow. No apologies.
Blessed Be.

$hemale Value$

$hemale Value$
by Raven Usher
Everyone who says they do not like sex, stand up and tell your lie now!
It is not uncommon for a transperson to get involved in the sex trades in one fashion or another. Being trans can be very expensive. The sex trades are lucrative, paying well above the average American wage. They are easily accessible to clientele. It is easy to find employment. And most importantly, the sex trades are the most accepting and inclusive employment industry in the nation for “shemales.”
I know, so many transpeople do not like that word. They think “shemale” is a dirty word and take offence to it being use to referred to them. My thoughts... get over yourselves. It is just a word.
Finding work in main-stream America can be difficult for transfolk. As I write this, my best friend is at her very first day on her very first job as a woman. It took her six months to find the job. It is part time, the hours suck and the pay is low. And she is excited as hell to have it. I am excited for her.
Her story is not original. So many other trannies have been, or will be, in her shoes. She was lucky enough to be able to survive six months without working. Most Americans can not. Some would have trouble lasting six weeks. That is why shemales turn to the sex industry. We become phone sex workers, nude models, exotic dancers, escorts, porn stars and prostitutes. Some do it because they like it. Some just need a job now. Some do not have any other options.
Most career sex workers actually get a sense of power doing their jobs. The ability to get another person to fork over handfuls of cash in exchange for intimate interactions is a serious ego boost. Think about it. There are literally thousands of people out there in the singles bars trying to give it away for free and the sex workers are getting money for it. So if you think sex workers do it because of low self esteem or that the clients are too ugly to get intimacy any other way, you are dead wrong. Being a sex worker takes a strong will, high self esteem and a thick skin.
Selling sex is the world’s oldest profession. Until recently (in the last three or four hundred years), it was an honorable and respected profession. No man got married without first learning the ropes from a pro. Wives were grateful that there was a place for their husbands to go to slake their lust. Bordellos drew sailors and other travelers by the score to otherwise unknown towns and set the foundation of economic existence for the entire community. All that bleached blonde hair that is so popular today originated in ancient Rome. It was the professional banner of prostitutes.
Before some politically correct nut-job goes off in a tizzy...
No, I am not suggesting that all trannies should go find employment in the sex industry. Quite the opposite, in fact. Most of the transfolk that I know do not have the emotional fortitude to deal with the brutal demands of the trade. Sorry gurls and bois. Be offended if you want to be. But it is the truth. As a group, you have some delicate psyches.
For the ones who can take it, I say look into your options. If you have the body to be on stage, learn to dance with a pole. If the camera likes you, get some lingerie and find a professional photographer. If you like being watched, find a film crew. If you have a voice that melts butter, put your phone to work. Take it to the limit. Go as far as you can safely go without breaking the law. The sex industry actually reveres shemales. They are a rare, exotic and desired commodities that draw in big dollars.
Trans people have value. We have value as human beings. We have value as members of society. We have value as friends and lovers. We have value as parents, siblings, sons and daughters. We have value as employees and wage earners. We have value as the individual survivors of a harsh existence. We have value as a community come together fighting for our right to live. We have the value of our own self worth.
How much are you worth? An unemployment benefit? Minimum wage? A dead-end paycheck?
My life is worth the well being of my children and the love of my wife.
My voice is worth the civil liberties of you all.
My wage is worth $2.00 per minute.
Want the number?
Blessed Be!

Pinocchio's Sister

Pinocchio’s Sister
By Raven Usher
Transsexuals are not the only people who endure hormone therapy. There are a lot of reasons why someone might start a hormone therapy regiment. Older women take estrogen to relieve the symptoms of menopause. Younger women take it after having a hysterectomy to stave off early menopause. Men often take testosterone after having their testicles removed as a treatment for testicular cancer. And that special stuff that grows hair… loaded with testosterone. And there are plenty more reasons.
One thing that everyone who goes through hormone therapy has in common is that we all focus mainly on the physical aspects of taking them. We think about the benefits that get us what we want. To a lesser extent, we think about the possible side effects and health risks. One thing that we never really think about, or do not understand fully, is the effect hormones have on our emotional states.
Hormones have a profound effect on our emotions. When we first start taking hormones it sets our emotional states completely off kilter. It takes months to regain an emotional equilibrium. And even then, we end up with a whole new emotional balance. Love, sorrow, anger, fear… we feel them all differently than we did before hormone therapy. They are stronger, more intense.
Yes, you feel like a fool when you burst into tears watching a car insurance commercial. And the looks you get at the service counter when you enthusiastically cash in your $2 scratch off ticket can be irritating. So irritating that by the time you get to the parking lot you are so angry at all those morons who were judging you that you want to drive your brand new SUV through those ugly glass doors and run down every one of those jealousy laden wish-they-were-you losers!
OK, so hormones make you a lot more sensitive.
The point is, that it is not a bad thing. Being able to feel your emotions more in a more intense way does shake you up at first. But once you adjust, it is a wonderful thing. Yes I cry at the occasional greeting card. But it feels good to express those emotions and it gives me an excuse to wander down that isle. And yes, I have the occasional mood swing that would make a pregnant woman stare in disbelief. But when everything swings back into place they can provide a good laugh.
I began taking hormones for the completely selfish reason of achieving their physical effects on my body. I have fully accepted the risks of taking them. I endure the unpleasant side effects they cause such as hot flashes that allow me to pop a pan of jiffy pop just by holding it. And I exalt in the unexpected benefits that make my life better on every level.
Sometimes I become awash in the uncontrollable emotional earthquake of an irrational mood swing. Sometimes the tears flow like flood water from a cloudless sky. Sometimes I feel like Pinocchio’s little wooden sister begging some starlight fairy to please let me be a real girl. But even when all that happens, I know deep I my heart that I have done the right thing by starting hormone therapy.
I know I did the right thing because the good emotions are amplified as well. The love I feel for my kids is heightened. The joy I share with my wife is more enveloping. The bond between myself and my parents is closer and stronger. The satisfaction I get when the new issue of Diversity hit’s the stands fills me more. And the peace I have found with myself continues to grow.
I am not, by any means, suggesting that anyone should run out and start a hormone regiment just for their emotional effect. Hormone therapy can be dangerous. Anyone who has a valid reason to take them needs to consult with a doctor to assess the risks to personal health. But you should not be afraid of them either. Taking hormones is the best thing I have ever done for myself.
We all have to decide for ourselves what the best path in life is for us. If hormones are part of your path, be smart about them. Consult a doctor. Be aware of the risks. And enjoy what they do for you. I sure as hell do.
Blessed Be

Return to Sender

Return to Sender
by Raven Usher
Well, it finally happened. After over 4 years of hormones, doctor visits, court dates and enough drama to fill an entire season of some television drama, it finally happened. I lost a family member over being transgendered.
The prospect of losing friends and family members is not specific to transgendered individuals. It is something that every member of the LGBT community has to face when they come out of the closet. Nearly all of us lose someone. For the lucky ones it will be an extended family member like an aunt or an uncle who they only see once or twice a year anyway. If your luck wanes a bit you might lose someone a little closer, a friend or a grand parent. The really unlucky ones lose best friends, siblings and parents.
Of course there are two sides to this coin. Quite often coming out and sharing such a deeply personal aspect of your life draws you closer to another person. When I sent out the announcements that I had changed my name, my Aunt Christine called to congratulate me. We became closer than we had ever been before. She even attended my wedding in Las Vegas last May. At the family Christmas gathering, my brother’s fiance and I got along great and I can see her becoming the sister I never had.
That is the shiny side of the coin. We do not hear about the shiny side simply because it does need any maintenance. It is the tarnished side of the coin that gets the attention. I think too much attention. We should spend more time and energy maintaining the polish on the shiny side. That is where we will find the rewards. That is the side that will make us happy.
The tarnished side of the coin is corroded because it is forever in the mud, grime and darkness. It is face down in the dirt. And it shelters the growth of slime and other icky things. The unfortunate aspect of slime is that it likes being slime. There is no amount of light or cleanser that will turn it into anything other than slime. Instead of trying to save the slime we should just scrape it off, toss it aside, and let it go somewhere else to be slime. Then we can concentrate on polishing as much of the coin as we are able.
My coin has stayed fairly well polished. It got tarnished in a few places along the way. But I have managed to polish most of dull spots. Sometimes it took a hell of a lot of elbow grease to get it done. But nothing worth while is easy.
The family member who cut ties with me is my Uncle Greg. He is my dad’s brother. He is one of those ultra-conservative far right-wing bible thumping self-appointed vessel of God’s judgment that makes life so interesting for the LGBT community. The judgment he passed on me is the same as the judgment he passed on my Aunt Christine, his sister. I have not actually laid eyes on Uncle Greg since I was about 15 years old. So it was not a huge loss. It still hurt though. What hurt the most was the way he did it. A letter or phone call explaining his views and feelings I could have respected. That show of integrity would have been an act or honor that I would be able to honor in return.
History has shown us that the religious right is neither honorable nor respectful. Uncle Greg displayed that dishonorable disrespect in grand fashion. He sent the Christmas card I sent him back to me. It was unopened and had “return to sender” scribbled across the front.
I do not bear Uncle Greg any ill will. I am trying not to at least . It is not easy when he is so blatant in his hatred of family members. Such cruel actions, specially towards his own sister, are hard to forgive. And using religion to justify harmful actions is despicable. I hope Uncle Greg is happy in the life he has created for himself. Although I can not imagine how anyone can be happy in a world built on bigotry and hatred.
Blessed Be.

The Truth in Having Fun

The Truth in Having Fun
by Raven Usher
I was watching a brand new episode of one of my favorite irreverent comedies when one of the main characters turned to another and said, “It’s fun being me. Is it fun being you?”
“Yes it is,” came the reply.
I know that I was only watching a sit-com. It is just a television show designed to entertain and make me laugh. Profound thought is not the goal of sit-coms. Yet, in humor we find many of the truths in life.
Is it fun being you? I find that to be a deeply profound question that threatens with answers that could have a deep effect on every aspect of personal living. A “yes” answer will heighten your joy and be quite a boost to your self esteem. A “no” answer will lead to introspection and prompt you to think about the changes you can make so that you can answer yes.
Is it fun being Raven Usher?
Well now... there is a question. On one hand, I have a rather easy life. My wife provides for all my financial cares. I get to spend the majority my days with my children. I have friends. I have hobbies that fulfill me. And I know that I am truly loved.
On the other hand, my wife’s career takes her on many out-of-state business trips that leave me alone for long periods of time. My youngest child has started school and the house feels oppressive to me when it is empty. I have responsibilities that make hard demands on my time and energy. And I know that by living as a transsexual I am a target for hatred and violence.
These are the realities of Raven’s World.
It is quite a balancing act. But if you take stock of your own lives, I am sure you will come up with similar off-setting aspects. The trick to the balancing act is to minimize the negatives while maximizing the positives. (No this is not a marketing lecture.)
Yes I am a target for hatred, but I counter that by targeting hatred right back. I speak out against it. I draw it into the light where it can be seen in all its ugliness. I combat hatred in any way I am able. As far as violence goes... I am an ex-marine. Bring it on if you feel strong.
I do not, will not, live my life in fear despite having reasons to do so. Why? They are stupid reasons that do not deserve my attention. Just because someone wants me to be scared or feel bad does not mean I am going to do it. Someone wants to send me a hate e-mail? Fine. I am going to publish his e-mail address. And I am going to laugh about it! That is the kind of bitch I am.
The truth is, I enjoy my life. I enjoy being a kept woman. I enjoy the time I have with my kids. I enjoy the pastimes I have when my kids are away from me. I enjoy living up to my responsibilities. I enjoy standing up, standing out and being seen so that everyone knows that I and other people like me exist. And I really enjoy screwing with, and laughing at, the morons who think their little-brained hatred can cause me any kind of discomfort what so ever.
Back to answer Denny Crane’s question. “Is it fun being you?”
Yes! It is a hell of a lot of fun being me.
Now go out and make it fun to be you. I know you can do it. And that is the truth. No joke.
Blessed Be.