Trans in Prison

Trans in Prison
By Raven Usher

There is currently a person in the Idaho State correctional facility who claims to be male to female transsexual. About once a year, during the media sweeps, he makes the news because he does something dramatic to get attention. This year he resorted to self mutilation by allegedly cutting out his own testicles.

The person has sued the corrections dept. and the state of Idaho a number of times trying to get the taxpayers to pay for hormone therapy (HRT) as a step towards sexual reassignment surgery (SRS). Each time he has failed.

Now, as you read the rest of this article remember that I myself am a pre-operative male to female transsexual. I have undergone HRT and have transition to the point where I am living full time as a woman.

In order to start HRT (without self medicating with black market medications) one must undergo psychological testing to confirm the level of your gender identity disorder (GID). Only about 10% of transgendered people qualify for those services. And even if you do qualify psychologically, there are a number of other factors that can disqualify you from actually receiving HRT and SRS.

One of the biggest disqualifiers is having a history of violent tendencies. True transsexuals are the ultimate pacifists. We just do not get violent. It is not in our nature. We tend to be so passive that most of the time we do not even fight to defend ourselves. It is part of the transsexual psychological make up.

I do not know why this person who claims to be transsexual is in prison. But being the child and sibling of police officers, I do know that you do not go to a state correctional facility for over a decade for non-violent crimes. Hormone treatment can react havoc on a person’s emotions. Starting SRS begins a period of emotional unbalance that can take three to six months to work out. If a person already has tendencies towards violence hormones will only intensify it.

I also know that a transsexual in a prison environment is all kinds of bad news! Prison society is a microcosm with its own societal rules and norms. The introduction of a transsexual would be so disruptive that it would threaten the working order of the entire prison to its very core. To have a transsexual in prison is to risk a level of unrest that could potentially trigger a violent riot that would endanger ALL the prisoners and the guard staff.

Because of these reasons, it is my personal believe that this person is trying to use HRT and SRS to keep himself isolated from other prisoners. It is actually a pretty good scam. But it is the absolute worse example possible for the transgender community. Not just in Idaho but all across the nation.

This man, note I said MAN, is not an acceptable candidate for HRT.
1) He has a history of violence.
DISQUALIFIED!
Hormone treatment will make violent people more violent.
2) He is in prison.
DISQUALIFIED!
The introduction of a trans person into a prison environment will put him in immediate danger of becoming a victim of physical violence, rape and murder.
According to the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care:
3) He does not have the ability to achieve ”the real life experience”.
DISQUALIFIED!
4) He does not have an long lasting relationship with a gender therapist.
DISQUALIFIED!

The simple truth of the matter is that this man should not start HRT in his present circumstances being in prison. Maybe when he is released from prison and undergoes regular therapy he will be able to pursue it. But right now, at this time, he should not start taking hormones. And gender activist organizations and individuals need to stop over reacting and screaming “discrimination” without taking the time to look at the overall situation. No good can come from his starting HRT in prison. It will put him in danger. It will put the prison at unnecessary risk. The Idaho State penitentiary and the State is doing the exact right thing by denying hormone treatment to this person at this time.

"Red Team, You Have a Patient"

“Red Team, You Have a Patient”

By Raven Usher

This is not an apology. There is no reason for me to apologize. Yes, it is true that I worried the hell out of my wife and kids. And I made my father, the ex military MP, fight back tears when he looked at me. And I triggered my brother’s EMT/cop protective instincts. And I sent my closest friends into a tizzy of near panic. Still with all this, there is no need for apologies.

I have written about it. I have talked about it. I have even lectured about it. I have come to the rescue of others in crisis from it. I have counseled people who have faced it. I have helped others beat it. During the last week in June 2007, it brought me to my knees and I needed others to come to my rescue.

At approximately two in the afternoon I left my house on my motorcycle trying to run from something that was not tangible. By eight o’clock that night I had been admitted to the Saint Alphonsus psychiatric center under suicide watch.

In February of this year I wrote about the 50% rule. It states that 50% of transsexuals will end up dead by their early 30’s… most by committing suicide. The Harry Benjamin Standards of Care calls it being susceptible to “Emotional lability”. I am nearly forty now and although I have surpassed that focal age group I am still in danger. I have been since October 2006.

Dealing with suicidal thoughts and feelings is a possibility that every transgendered person should be knowledgeable about. It may never plague you. If not count yourself lucky. It can hit any of us at any time. Although my own fight against suicide is not directly linked to my being transsexual, my predisposition of susceptibility to depression from being transgendered made it all the easier for outside influences overwhelm me.

Of course, anyone can fall victim to suicidal thoughts and feelings. It is not a condition that is particular to transgendered people. But if you are transgendered, and especially if you are on or are considering hormone therapy, you need to be aware that you are at added risk. Despite my current condition, undergoing hormone therapy and pursuing transition was still the best decision of my life. It has been my saving grace.

Being a trans person has its risks. Most of those risks do not come from the outside world. We must be vigilant against the possibility hatred, intolerance and violence. But it is more important to be aware of the risks from inside ourselves. Our own physical health and our mental and emotional states can present even more danger than bigots and religious fanatics.

It is a scary thing when your brain tries to convince you to end your own life. It is even scarier when you start to listen and move to do what you are being told. The danger got so real for me that it triggered my flight instinct. I ran. Luckily my instincts led me to run to where I could find help. It certainly was not conscious thought that got me to Saint Alphonsus. I do not know how I got there. All I know for certain is that I had been riding aimlessly for over an hour before I managed to take that left turn into their parking lot.

The truth is I got very lucky. I avoided doing any physical damage to myself. Unfortunately, not everyone who finds themselves in that position gets lucky. I have every possible safety precaution in place. I have professional help. But still… At this moment I cannot be confident about how long my luck will hold out. Or if I even have any luck left.

How lucky are you? Can you rely on your luck to save you? Please do not leave it to luck. Know your level of risk. Talk to someone before it becomes an emergency. There is a way out.
Blessed Be

24 hour suicide hotline: 1-800-726-0003

Deadly Secrets

Deadly Secrets
By Raven Usher

A good friend of mine made a very big mistake a while ago. It was the kind of mistake that immediately made me ask her if she was OK.

She was diving home from a club late at night. On the way, she stopped and picked up a hitch hiker. As stupid as that was, it was not the mistake that made me fear for her safety.

Before she dropped him off she had sex with him. As stupid as unprotected sex with a stranger is, that was not what made me fear for her safety.

She is a pre-operative male to female transsexual. She had sex with this guy without telling him she has a penis. That is the mistake that made me fear for her very life.

The most common reason that transsexuals get hurt and/or killed is because they did not tell the person they were physically intimate with before hand and that person freaked out after discovering the truth. It is a fact of tranny life. Surprising a sexual partner is life threatening. It is the single most dangerous stupid mistake we can make.

It is not only dangerous for male to female transsexuals. Female to male trannies face the same danger. The violence that took Brandon Teena’s life was so horrifically tragic that it not only made national headlines but her story also became a successful motion picture.

Gwen Araujo was bludgeoned to death by a group of men who had not even gotten into her pants. They freaked out after only receiving oral sex from her. To top it off, the attack that took her life happened days after the sexual encounter when the men found out from a third party that Araujo was transgendered.

What really makes this kind of violence tragic is that it is 100% preventable. It does not have to happen. With the simple act of putting our personal safety ahead of our physical urges we can keep all that danger at bay. Just do not be stupid. Make sure the person (or people) that you plan to have sex with know about you before hand. Do not surprise them.

Have you ever gone to take a drink of what you thought was one thing and gotten something completely different? Maybe you are a coffee drinker and you accidentally got tea in your cup instead. Or maybe what you thought was apple juice turned out to be bourbon. Or maybe the milk was sour and you did not notice until it hit your tongue.

The point is that when you expect one thing and get something totally different it is an unpleasant shock. When a horny, excited straight male is expecting something soft and wet and he gets something hard and long… the potential for a violent reaction is practically guaranteed. If tasting tea instead of coffee is enough to make you spit liquid across the table what kind of reaction do you expect to get from a surprise tallywacker?!

I am ALWAYS appalled at violence targeted at transgendered people based on the sole reason that they are indeed transgendered. But as upset and heartbroken as I get when I read those news stories, part of me cannot help but be a little angry at the transgendered person who does something so appallingly moronic as surprising a sexual partner with the anatomy of a pre-operative transsexual body. I simply can not say it often enough or loud enough. It is stupid. It is stupid. IT IS STUPID!

It is not a political platform. It is not an issue of discrimination. It is simple and basic self preservation! A person who walks through an alligator infested swamp does not have the right to act surprised when a gator clamps down on her leg.

Violence is not acceptable. But neither is it acceptable to plunge yourself headlong into a situation that you know for certain will cause you deadly harm. It is OK to be blonde. Just do not be a dumb blonde!
Blessed Be

A Day of Counted Sorrows (past issue 10/19/03)

A Day of Counted Sorrows

Remembering Our Dead

10/19/2003

“Those who do not remember the past are doomed to repeat it.” --George Santayana

I have a question for you all. What do Ze Galhinha, Chandini (aka Nazir), Tamyra Michaels, Georgina Matehaere, Roberta Nizah Morris, Timothy “Cinnamon” Broadus, Nikki Nicholas, Danisha Victoria Principal Williams, Ronald Andrew Brown, Merlinka (Vjeran Miladinovic), Mimi Young, Jessica Mercado, Hendricks Thomas (aka Tanesha Starr), Shelby Tracy Tom, Michael Charles Hurd, Cinnamon (Kendrick) Perry, Nireah Johnson, Selena Alvarez, Bella Evangelista, Emonie Kiera Spaulding and Cassandra “Tula” Do all have in common?

Answer: They, along with one other unidentified person, are the twenty-two transgendered people that have been murdered from November 20, 2002 until now.

I know what you are wondering. What is the significance of November 20th? November 20th is the “Transgender Day of Remembrance” and 2003 will be its 5th annual observance. The “Remembering Our Dead” project that sponsors the Day of Remembrance tracks and documents the murder of transgendered people all over the world.The Transgender Day of Remembrance was set aside to memorialize those who were killed due to anti-transgender hatred or prejudice. The event is held in November to honor Rita Hester, whose murder on November 28th, 1998 kicked off the “Remembering Our Dead” web project and a San Francisco candlelight vigil in 1999.

Rita Hester’s murder, like most anti-transgender murder cases, has yet to be solved.Although not every person represented during the Day of Remembrance self-identified as transgendered, that is, as a transsexual, crossdresser, or otherwise gender-variant, each was a victim of violence based on bias against transgendered people. The Transgender Day of Remembrance serves several purposes. It raises public awareness of hate crimes against transgendered people, an action that current media does not perform.

Day of Remembrance publicly mourns and honors the lives of our brothers and sisters who might otherwise be forgotten. Through the vigil, we express love and respect for our people in the face of national indifference and hatred. Day of Remembrance reminds non-transgendered people that we are their sons, daughters, parents, friends and lovers. Day of Remembrance gives our allies a chance to step forward with us and stand in vigil, memorializing those of us who have died by anti-transgender violence.Remembering Our Dead and The Transgender Day of Remembrance are maintained mainly by Gwendolyn Ann Smith through the web site at www.gender.org/remember/day.

The site also contains a list of all the current year’s transgendered fallen and the circumstances surrounding their deaths. A complete list of all those that have been lost going back thirteen years can also be seen at the site.A total of 264 people (207 Domestic, 57 International) have been murdered as of 06/30/03 according to the Remembering Our Dead records. The average number of deaths has been maintaining itself at about 12 per year. That is one a month, folks.

The deadliest year for transgendered people was 2002 with 25 killings, doubling the average. 2003 has a firm hold of second place with a current body count of 22. The top five rounds out with: 2000 - 19, 2001 - 19, 1997 - 18.

You may ask yourself why the police do not pay more attention to these specific types of crimes when they occur in such overwhelming numbers. It is simple. Because the police contribute to the body count. It is widely observed that transgendered people fear the police as much as they fear any attacker. There are four deaths on the books that were perpetrated by police officers. This includes Logan Smith who died of septic shock due to a punctured bladder. Police officers kicked Logan in his abdomen and sprayed him with pepper gas after stopping him for “failure to signal a right turn and failure to display a license plate.” Smith had offered no physical resistance. He died later that evening.

Other emergency services do not have much better records when dealing with transgendered victims. Paramedics and emergency room workers also drop the ball. Jessica (Gerardo) Castillo suffered a blunt trauma to the head. She received inadequate care from D.C. general hospital, and from the medical team on scene of the accident. Georgina Matehaere managed to get herself to a hospital after being beaten with a baseball bat, but was promptly discharged. She was later returned to the same hospital via ambulance where she died of her injuries. Her last words before she lost consciousness were a plea for peace.

The federal institutions fall short in their responsibilities to protect people as well. Two civilians and one serviceman have been killed by military personnel; one by a military policeman. Pvt. Barry L. Winchell was beaten to death, allegedly by Pvt. Calvin N. Glover, because he was in a relationship with a transgendered woman. He was not transgendered himself.

With such atrocities happening at the hands of the very people we enlist to protect us, the first instinct is to look for refuge at home with our families. No such luck. Giuseppe Mandanici was killed by a hit man hired by his father for $700. Richard Goldman was shot and killed by his father, retired state judge Milton Goldman. Diane Delia was shot four times in the head by her husband. An unnamed infant with ambiguous genitalia was killed by a blunt force trauma to the head, as well as strangulation, allegedly by the child's mother, Aruna Kavili. Jamie (James) Jackson was beaten to death in her own doorway. Four of this year’s victims were killed in their own homes. So, no. Home is not any safer than the streets.

Some of these crimes are so unspeakably brutal that it boggles the mind that the people who commit them are rarely, if ever, caught. Sometimes they are never even looked for. Dianne Aubert was stabbed in the back 121 times. Tracy Thompson was stabbed 120 times. Raimundo Rocha Alves had 42 stab wounds to the head! Kevin Freeman’s skull was split nearly in half. One of the most horrific murders was Barretta Williams. She was shot 16 times, pistol whipped, tied up with speaker wire, and gagged with a sock taped into her mouth. She was then tortured for several hours, beaten to death, and beheaded by Kenneth Poole and Ralph David Frantzreb. Activist Kristi Independence Kelly died in a plane crash. Suspicion is that she had probably been assassinated by "Dannites" (the covert paramilitary wing of the Mormon Church).

A great majority of attacks on transgendered people are sexually motivated. Homophobia and sexual insecurity drives some assailants to extremes. Larry Venzant, William Battles, Jean (Woodrow) Powell and Randy Loomis were all sexually mutilated before their deaths. Randy was left to die on the street. He never received any medical attention. Barbara (William) Brodie, Steven Wilson and Michelle Lynne O'Hara were all raped and brutalized before they died. Michelle was so traumatized by the rape that she committed suicide shortly afterwards.

In the face of such violence, I have been asked many times why I have chosen to make my transition in Idaho, a state with a notorious past reputation of harboring groups that promote intolerance and providing a haven for agents of hate driven violence. I must admit, I do feel rather isolated and exposed at times. Having the little hairs stand up on the back of my neck because of some nameless fear is not unknown to me. Seriously, I do not carry a gun because I am perfectly at ease.

But all things told and considered, Idaho statistically qualifies as one of the safer places for people like me despite the lack of laws to protect us. Of the 207 people who were murdered in 89 cities through 33 states across the United States of America since 1990, not one death has happened in Idaho. There is some morbid comfort in that. Maybe that is because we number so few in Idaho that we are not perceived to be quite so threatening. Maybe we hold a niche of an oddity to be gawked at but not touched. Maybe no one believes we really exist here. Or maybe it is just that nobody has gotten around to doing an Idaho transgender in yet. Who knows?

What I do know is that these statistics are unacceptable. A transgendered person has been murdered every two weeks for the past two years. Far too few of the killers have been found and brought to justice. Only five of the last year’s twenty-two victims have had the killers identified. I want to live. That is the whole point to what I have done to my body. It is the reason I have risked my family’s unity. It is the underlying current to why I have caused so much disruption to all the lives that are connected to me.

I am suppose to have “the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” Will my killer continue to enjoy his life, liberty and happiness after I am dead? If my battered body turns up in a downtown alley, will my family have any hope at all to see justice done? The statistics say, “No.”

Blessed Be.

To Lipstick or Not to Lipsstick...

To Lipstick or Not to Lipstick…
by Raven Usher
I had a meeting with my oldest daughter’s principal not too long ago. It was one of those boring chores you are forced to do when you are a parent. I dread school functions. A chorus of third graders singing public domain songs while performing bad choreography on the bleachers is enough to make me want to stick my finger through my eye, back into my brain and swirl it around. I am just not a PTO kind of mom.
My fifteen year old is soon to depart to the Midwest to compete in a national high school championship. It ensured that I would have to go talk to school officials. Ick. I had about a fifteen minute discussion with the principal. As I stood to leave he stopped me and said, “I just have to ask. You and Michelle are both Mom?”
He was so visibly uncomfortable asking. It was so cute. At that moment the little scene made me giggle and took off the unpleasant edge off of being at the school. Later at home I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror as I scampered around the house doing me daily chores. No make-up. Hair a mess. Ratty old comfy t-shirt. It was the kind of look on a parent that makes the kids want to be dropped off three blocks from school so their friends do not see their mom.
Then I realized that this is how I presented myself to the principal. Completely uncamouflaged. I had adorned myself with none of the trappings of the gender of my heart. I had passed a very close face-to-face scrutiny without any artificial societal markers of gender. In my teenager’s language, that was way kewl!
Way back when it felt really great when I passed as a woman for the first time. I was all done up. Twice as much time had been spent preparing for the night out than on the night out itself. It was worth it though.
This was so different. It was still very exciting. I do not know why I was so surprised. I have told so many aspiring trannies that their most effective tool is patience. You have to give everything time to work. I have been taking hormones since May of 2000. So it seems my own patience is paying off.
As I looked into the mirror, I thought about other people I have talked to recently. Waiters. The car salesman. Other parents. The bank manager. The security guard at the Boise Burn games. All face-to-face contacts. Close scrutiny. And with less and less prep as time goes on.
I think I may be starting to do what I have accused so many genetic women of doing. I’m starting to take being female for granted. Bad Raven! Bad, bad Raven!
Oh well. If I have to take something for granted I am glad its actually able to be this.
Blessed Be

City of Boise Protects All
by Raven Usher

Managing Editor, Diversity Newsmagazine
Boise, ID - While Idaho citizens face a ballot on the Nov 2006 election that threatens to write prejudice and discrimination into the Idaho state constitution, civic leaders in Boise took a bold step towards human rights and equality.

On April 26 the Boise City Council, led by Council President MaryAnne Jordan and supported by Mayor Bieter, voted unanimously to add sexual orientation AND gender identity to the city's non-discrimination policy. The vote is the result of a six year campaign to combat discrimination an intolerance. The entire council has pledged their support not only to back this decision but also to stand together and face whatever comes next.

Idaho state Representative Nicole LeFavour and Boise human rights activist Nikki Leonard were instrumental in their work with Council President Jordan in bringing this brave and progressive step towards equal human rights by the City Council to fruition. Idaho LGBT press lines, which were informed of this major development almost immediately after the vote had taken place, showed appreciation and support to the Boise City Council by withholding press releases and news stories to give Council President Jordan the chance to make the first public announcement. This uncommon show of unity between a government body and news organizations is a testament to the dedication to human rights that is being fostered in Idaho's capitol city.

"This is a real cause for celebration," said Representative LeFavour. "It is one of those moments that I have held my breath for."

With a population under 300,000 Boise is a relatively small city. However, the City Council has shown that Boise can stand tall side by side with major metropolitan cities such as New York, Chicago, Miami and Los Angeles in the protection of its citizens.

There is no telling what effect news of the new non-discrimination policy will have on the Nov 2006 election issue that threatens to make same-sex marriage illegal in Idaho. However, such a major step towards equality does shed a ray of hope that the citizens of Idaho will continue the fight against hatred that drove white supremacists out of the state. That same spirit may yet defeat the push that threatens to have state-sponsored hatred to be written into the Idaho constitution.

The state-wide slogan "Idaho is too great for hate!" passed the test of its truth when neo-nazi groups were defeated in Idaho. It is now being put to the test over equal human rights for gay, lesbian and transgendered people. The Boise City Council has stood up to and passed that test. In Nov the nation will see if the rest of Idaho will pass that same test.

The 80% Rule

The 80% Rule
by Raven Usher

Going through a Transsexual transition is expensive! I am not speaking of just the cost of sexual reassignment surgery (SRS). [circa $15,000] The whole experience of shelling out money through the ongoing process is like a Master Card commercial gone insane!

Hormones: $100+ per month. Therapist appointments: $90 per visit. Laser hair removal: $50 per hour. Breast augmentation: $2,500. Facial feminization surgery: $5,000. Constantly updating your wardrobe to fit your changing body form: $1,000 - $1,200 per quarter. Completing transsexual transition (if you survive it): priceless.

To add to the stress and complications of paying for it all, there are two major slaps in the face that transsexuals get hit with. The first is that no medical insurance program anywhere in the United States will cover the cost of SRS. Even when a licensed psychiatrist diagnoses the medical condition of gender dysphoria and that the need for transition is medically necessary the insurance companies will not pay their share. Sometimes prescription coverage programs will cover the hormones. But you need to have a medical doctor write the prescription. And then you have to pay for those doctor visits too.

The biggest financial setback is a horrifying statistic. 80% of all transsexuals will lose their jobs when they transition. How is that for discrimination in the workplace?

Finding a new job is not an easy undertaking either. Most trannies are forced to live off savings or other pitiful sources of income until they become passable in their new gender expression. That process takes between one and two years. That is a lot of overhead to pay out when there is little to no cash coming in.

The entire country has anti-discrimination laws that prevent someone from being fired because they are a woman. There are only a handful of laws that protect someone from being fired because they want to become a woman. The city of Boise has added gender expression to its workplace protections for civil services employees. In other words, TG’s who work for a city agency have protection at their jobs. The rest of us are still victim to the oppression of “at will” employment.

It is this workplace discrimination that hinders most TG’s from coming out of the closet. Even more than facing the possible scorn of family and friends, the prospect of being cast out of a long standing and promising career is an intimidating obstacle. It is hard enough to do something that could possibly leave you alone in the world. To face it without a source of income is salt in the wounds.

So why do we do it? Why do we throw ourselves headlong into such a body and soul battering maelstrom? Because the Master Card commercials all end with the same promise… “Completing transsexual transition: priceless!”
Blessed Be